It was one of those days that was profound in the most disturbing way. it was raining, the air was biting cold, and we were at the funeral of an eighteen year old girl. my friend zack and i were outside in our best suits, standing on either side of our friend jess, whose little sister committed suicide four days ago. we didn't know what to say, so we put our arms around her and said nothing. everyone cried. jessica's parents cried, jessica cried, a few girls from the dance studio cried. a couple of other people from east stroudsburg were there, but celi didn't keep in touch with very many people after she left school. they, too, cried. zack and i put our hands in our pockets and looked at our shoes. the funeral itself was surreal. it felt like watching a movie. we couldn't get our brains around the idea that this could actually be taking place.
and then it's over, and the scene changes, and we're at jess's mom's house, but the three of us duck outside to smoke a million cigarettes because we don't want to deal. after most of the relatives left we passed a bowl around. after it got dark we went for a walk and discuss what a fucked up day it was, we buried a blonde haired blue eyed teenager who wanted to be a ballerina for fuck's sake. we're all stoned out of our fucking minds by now, walking around east burg in the mud in our black clothes and dress shoes, talking about this kid who was partly our baby sister and partly running with our group of wild pocono misfits. and even though we all knew she was gone, really, seriously gone....we still felt connected to her.
we slept on the floor of celina's room again. jess couldn't sleep anywhere else.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
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