Applause

Yeah I'm looking at you, you bastard. Wow, you're such a cool suave and debonair dude. For real... a guy must EXUDE fucking self-confidence and savvy and wit to do what you did, which is to make fun of a 24-year-old pregnant woman who has a rare blood disease that might cause her baby to die. Oh, yeah, a young woman with a disease and a possibly dead baby is TOTAL joke fodder to you pricks. We're so macho and cool that nothing is sacred. A scared young woman praying for the life of her child is a big healthy gut laugh, amirite?


I am. I am right, and when that's the case you fuckers all deserve to die. The fact that this young lady's children keep dying and you motherfuckers are still alive clearly proves that the system ain't perfect yet.

Fuck you all.

Welcome to the People Who Hate People club.

well, if my 9/11 piece disturbed you you'll feel better knowing i experienced the Big Purple Yawn! as soon as I got off the plane. all that drinking and angry-writing caught the fuck up with me.

Thoughts on 9/11....brought on by an old post.

I noticed that I made a post about "Vote Democratic and get these fucking Repubs out of office" on September 11th, 2008. The irony was unintentional, but the coincidence is still kinda weird.....seeing as SEVEN FUCKING YEARS LATER I remain convinced that IT'S THE REPUBLICAN'S FAULT THAT 9/11 EVEN HAPPENED. Those fucking plane-hijacking Arabs had the right idea and the wrong venue-- they didn't want another fucking Bush running America and trying to bomb the shit out of them, so they took action. I'm still convinced that all those attacks were done with the intention that Bush would be killed somewhere in there, I'm SURE of it. Yeah, you missed, towel-heads. Ya should have aimed for the White House. But, because your turban is pulling your brain too tight....you missed, and innocent people died, and FUCKING BUSH IS STILL FUCKING ALIVE. And to trip the light fantastic....not only did you fuckers kill A WHOLE GODDAMN BUNCH of people who didn't deserve to die....but WE HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKER FOR EIGHT GODDDAMN YEARS. And it goes without saying that that monkey-faced fucker deserved to die a million times over for all the innocent people HE killed in that stupid fucking war he instigated.

The End!!!! Send me your hate mail. I know it's coming. Go ahead and hate me but ..... hahahahaha!... it's all true.

The comedy stylings of Doug Stanhope make failing your own suicide attempt feel like a journey of mind and spirit.

If drinking Stoli and doing coke at 9am on a Saturday is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Dear Shoe-Throwing Copycat Guy

Dear Shoe-Throwing Copycat Guy: You totally did it wrong. You wasted time yelling, giving The Man a chance to take you down. You gotta just fucking do what you gotta do and save the yelling for after it's done. Throw your damn shoe and THEN yell. Better yet, since you would have gotten taken down mid-rant, it probably would have been best to throw your shoe while yelling "THIS IS SPARTA!" But you didn't do that. You waffled and got your ass kicked before you could hurtle your footware in the intended direction. You fail.